I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
