Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
