Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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