is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad