Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it because I queefed?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz