sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And then my night got REAL pukey
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.