if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight