the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.