ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize