they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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