She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
