you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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