He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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