Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
