Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
