Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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