Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
