Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have post one night stand depression
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