so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
