Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
