Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
