Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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