is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
