im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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