Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
