I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
