i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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