I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
