so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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