I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
