...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
