Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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