Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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