Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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