Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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