I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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