Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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