Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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