I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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