Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
