Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
