Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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