Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
