I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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