You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
