I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
