Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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