So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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