So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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