the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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