she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
