Betty ford says i'm here all night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
