i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
