I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize