God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
