im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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