I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
