you guys were way drunker than both of me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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