At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
