you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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