Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
